Crushes. Part Deux.

October 14, 2009


You so sexy.

You so sexy.

Lovely post my raven haired friend, it definitely got me in a crushing frame of mind. For example, my upstairs neighbor has been playing Beatles songs on the sax all evening, and while I have no idea if he’s cute, or perhaps more importantly if he is actually a “he” and not a “she”, I know that I love him. I also have a crush on one of the employees at the Park Slope Co-op, tonight he got me a box cutter and I almost swooned from the romance of it all. But perhaps the most important lesson of my crushes , is that it’s the nervous uncertainty that I like.

Historically, I tend to err more on the side of nervous uncertainty, playing it so safe that I often don’t even introduce myself or talk to my object of affection. Thus dwelling in the painful land of unrequited (or more accurately entirely unknown) love. This summer, however, I have been experimenting….

Lesson One: Airing out all your crazy and then having sex with someone, is often exciting – but not a recommended manner in which to keep the attention of ones’ crush. Because after the exciting part fades, the cray-cray remains. Bad plan.

Lesson Two: Having a crush on a group of guys is NOT the same as having a crush on one fellow in particular. I cannot stress this enough, a charismatic group does not always make for charismatic individuals. In this situation, just mildly crush on everyone. Do not commit!  And then, after you convince them all to have a crush on you, you get the pick of the litter! (Time-willing – sometimes this plan takes years)

Lesson Three: After a rejection, it is easy to think that you would like to date someone who could just be “honest” about their feelings for you. Someone who liked you, and wasn’t afraid to show it. You are wrong. It is stressful in the exact opposite way a crush is stressful – tedious and burdensome. Bummer.

Conclusion: Play it cool. Look at Cool Hand Luke, he is as sexy as they come and is so cool his nickname includes the word.  Although with my track record, I’d probably try to screw him on the first date and wiff that ball too….

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One Response to “Crushes. Part Deux.”

  1. brunette Says:

    i would totally wiff Cool Hand Luke just to get close enough for a whiff


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