I think a hilarious new series would be a spinoff of Extreme Makeover, where the contestants think they’re going to get plastic surgery and dental repairs; but when they get to the show, they get dropped off in really poor countries or disaster zones and have to help the inhabitants get fresh water and make enough food for their families. There will be wacky challenges where each contestant has a chance to win large sums of money. At the end of the show, after facing so much inequality in the world, the contestants get asked “do you still want to have an extreme makeover to make yourself superficially more beautiful?” and if they say yes, they get punched in the face, and all their collective prize money gets donated to the third world country. People who learned something from their experience and say “no” get to keep their money and face the inevitable guilt-inducing conundrum of whether they should donate it, too! No winners!


Gentleman or Pushover?

March 31, 2010

Today someone said to me, “the definition of a gentleman or lady is to make everyone feel comfortable at all times.” I wasn’t sure which definition of gentleman she was reading, so I looked up certain keywords and came across this essay: The Definition of a Gentleman

The jist is that a “Gentleman” avoids conflict by being open-minded enough to see all sides of arguments, and respect others opinions. They’re mindful of all people and socially experienced enough to be kind towards shy people and accepting of annoying people.

And yes, someone who’s educated and experienced enough to smooth out a rough situation is always nice. But I think more and more weak people are using this definition as an excuse to sit and bitch about the injustices that have been done to them without taking initiative to do something about it. People who merely pander towards everyone and avoid arguments are just afraid of conflict and unable to stand up for themselves. They call themselves “gentlemen” because it’s a good excuse to continue being weak and never formulating specific opinions for themselves. You can be kind and observant of the people around you without losing yourself in the process. Someone who’s constantly worrying about how OTHER people feel seems so unempowered to me.

The worst part about it is that I feel like that road is taken, not out of some higher-road type shit but because people genuinely have no idea what stance to take. I’d rather risk making someone feel uncomfortable than be a pushover.

So I had my 90-day review at work, and it was fucking awful. At the end of the day my boss hands me a list of grievances which included (among other things): I’m constantly late, I’m irresponsible with confidential information, I’m belligerent towards co-workers, and I do poor design work. It just seemed so over the top, so blown out of proportion that it felt farcical, it didn’t even hit me until later that night when I realized I had to have a follow-up meeting about it the next day.

So the next morning I come in early with a list of responses, dressed in a nice sweater and slacks, hair and makeup all ready, and a smile on my face. I had no intention of causing a ruckus, I just wanted to let him know that there are two sides to every story. The minute I walk into his office, I say “hi Jon, how are you?” and he immediately snaps, “First of all, you have to stop calling me Jon. Nobody else does that.” (His name is Jonathan).

That knocked my confidence down a little, so I decided not to even mention my list of responses. I signed the list of grievances and said I’d work to be better. Then he says, “there were also some things that I didn’t put on the list, because they’re hard to put into words (read: hard to get past HR). When you fake cheerfulness, it makes everything weird. When you smile and have contempt underneath, people can tell. People aren’t STUPID.”

I was completely taken aback. I don’t have contempt for anybody. Um, I was trying to have a good attitude? I try to make the best out of a corporate job? I make smalltalk with co-workers and it feels pretty normal to me, I’ve never sensed any awkwardness from ANYONE except him. I went back to my desk and totally couldn’t hold in the tears, it was really embarrassing.

What sucks the most is that we’re supposed to be a team, and back each other up and support each other. But now I don’t trust him at all, I can’t go to him if I’m having troubles or anything, and I’d feel so weird asking his design advice. I know I should just suck it up and power through it, but I can’t stop thinking about the words he used. BELLIGERENT? CONTEMPT? His perception of me is so radically different than how I see myself, it makes me wonder if I’m crazy.

Pickup Line

December 8, 2009

Here’s my pickup line for my last boyfriend: I smacked his ass and told him that i loved redheads. Then, after we hung out drinking 40’s, i said “a gentleman would invite me to his room.”

I pushed my way into his life and made him think that it was his idea

hahaahahahaha oh man

Inspirational Poem!

December 5, 2009

This is a little weird, I admit, I wrote this to myself because I was feeling glum.  But I thought it might make someone else feel a little better too…..?  So I posted it, it is cheezy.  Mmmmmmm.

its okay

that job just didn’t come naturally

there is a place where it will come naturally

you just have to find it

and once you find it

you will apply to it

because if it’s right, you will get it


just because you get it

doesn’t mean it will be right

so apply

keep the ball in your court

the ball is always in your court

and get the job you dream of

the rest will work itself out

everything will work out

even if it isn’t conventional

it will work out

if you keep working

you will eventually get what you want


and work

will get you to your happiness

and maybe a little medicine will line the path….

but who’s judging?

December 2, 2009


Bionic Turkey

November 24, 2009

It’s both quaint and weird when old people discover technology. My Dad recently joined Facebook. I don’t think older people always understand social networking etiquette. The other day he was telling me how various family members were doing based on their facebook status. See? Quaint and weird. I wonder if, when we’re old, if we’ll end up being like them. Because they were young and cool once.    You know, like we are now. Geez, we gotta take more pictures while we are young and somewhat relevent. And while we’re on the topic of family, heres one of my favorite blogs ever. 

Also, my dad requested my friendship on FB and I havn’t accepted yet. Thats really what Thanksgiving is all about, right? Guilt.